That cycle

There are some of us that feed off toxicity and self destruction.  What are the common denominators that make people continually put themselves in vulnerable situations? It sounds so ridiculous.  A husband that constantly beats you. A girlfriend that berates you as a man. A friend that always borrows money and never pays you back.  That guy that leaves you crying every time you see him, but you just keep coming back for more.  You get ignored, then lured back in.  Some of us have had friends that were addicts.  We just want to help.  Throwing ourselves out there, and then being surprised when they disappoint. Some of us are the addicts. What makes people so loyal to people that treat us badly?  And why do some of us insist on hurting ourselves over and over? I was thinking about cases of abuse like Elizabeth Smart, Shawn Hornbeck, Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus and Michelle Knight. In extreme cases, being mentally and physically abused causes people to be unimaginably loyal.  I hear the term "brainwashed", and the word is so minimal. It makes me laugh.  "brainwashed" seems to me that your brain has been washed, started anew.  When you have experienced trauma, your brain is definitely not cleared. Not washed.  Your brain circuits are completely unique.  Your fight or flight is sensitive.  You have decreased frontal lobe functioning, making it extremely difficult to make reasonable decisions, and react appropriately. Your level of impulsivity and sensitivity is increased due to the amygdala part of the brain. Your limbic system regulation decreases by 113% if you have experienced multiple types of abuse/trauma. Meaning you could not, without a miracle, process emotions and situations appropriately.

"The hippocampus helps to process information and lends time and spatial context to memories and events. The hippocampus assists the transfer of initial information to the cortex which works to make sense of the information. However the hippocampus is vulnerable to stress hormones, in particular the hormones released by the amygdala's alarm. When those hormones reach a high level, they suppress the activity of the hippocampus and it loses its ability to function. Information that would make it possible to differentiate between a real and imagined threat never reaches the cortex and a rational evaluation of the information isn't possible (Rothschild, 2004)."

"If a particular stimulus is misinterpreted as a threat, this leads to immediate fight/flight/freeze responses (to non-threatening stimuli). This causes this system to respond to minor irritations in a totalistic manner (Streeck-Fischer & van der Kolk, 2000)."

 (Blueknot Foundation). 

In shorthand, after so many experiences, your brain will likely fail in recognizing a threat.  You will fall in love with the worst person on earth, ignore their ridiculous behavior, and be extremely loyal to that dysfunction.  But when a genuine person comes along, you are equally confused.  Questioning their intentions, and likely mistrusting them because it's so unfamiliar. 

"Research tells us that the bodies of children who are being abused react and adapt to the unpredictable dangerous environments to which they are exposed. Stress can set off a ripple of hormonal changes that permanently wire a child's brain to cope with a malevolent world (Teicher, 2002). Through this chain of events, violence and abuse pass from generation to generation (Teicher, 2002)."