Over the last year, I have felt lower than I thought was possible. I adore my job. I love my children. I cherish my husband. I have gained 40 pounds over the last 10 years. I feel disgusting and unappreciated. My chemical imbalances have made me unstable and addicted in so many ways, Early ovarian failure and a sudden drop in estrogen certainly doesn't excuse everything. I am habitually exhausted and feel no desire to improve my situation. To be honest, I think about suicide daily. It is not reasonable, and would hurt so many people. Sometimes I just want to be selfish and feel my own relief. Sometimes I don't think it really matters if Im here or not. There is no ending to this post...It is what it is.
