Zebra Strong 2017

     So in 2009 ish, my oldest son randomly told me he remembered being in my belly.  He said all he remembered was his zebra blankie. I  found it especially odd because he never had an animal print blankie nor did I have any animal print in my home. I thought it was strange, but not impossible because I have memories of about a year old. Most people don't believe me, but after a lot of investigation, talking to family about the placement of furniture at that time, I realized I really did have those memories. Crying in my crib, I can remember the placement of the room.  I can remember where Grandma's organ was, that my crib was by the window with no curtains, and that my mother came to bounce me back to sleep in her nightgown. There was a small chair she sat in sometimes. I can still see the entryway where the door would lead out, and I still feel scared until my mom picks me up. Today my son tells me a story of being afraid to let go of the "zebra" blankie... without any prompt of talk of babies or birth.  He says he remembers the bright lights and trying to hold on but they (doctors?) were pulling him...but "softly" he said. (I had a c-section).  I have never told him the cord was around his neck as well as the fact that he was clutching it when they did an emergency c-section after 20 hours.  WEIRD.  I tried really hard not to have any expression on my face as he told me the story...I wanted it un-altered.  I got an honest recount of my son's memory of birth.  That is big information. Now, don't knock me right away, but there is some research that suggests that babies can hold on to memory, even as young as birth. It's extremely controversial, but not out of the ball park.  Childbirth is traumatic for the baby, even in a perfect environment.  Traumatic events can glue into our memory, usually not the real, perfect, and 100% account of the event, but traumatic events certainly stick with our senses...sight, sound, touch, etc...Whatever we feel is necessary to retrieve, our minds will give us enough. Call me a hippy, but I believe my son when he says he remembers, and I believe myself as well.  I can still hear my mother humming as she bounces.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________Fast forward 8 years from Nick's memory.  That post was done. No resolution needed.  Super cool if he really did remember his birth.  Completely forgot about it.I have been diagnosed with CVID, an immunodeficiency which does not allow my body to produce antibodies to prevent infection/fight cancer cells/do it's job, etc...I am still waiting on more lab tests to confirm and deny other coinciding  conditions.  Trying to stay positive here.In the midst of my research of CVID, I found this...ZEBRAS!  Zebras are the "motto" for CVID. It's probably coincidence, but I don't think there is such a thing.  I PERSONALLY BELIEVE that Nick knew I had CVID long before I did. CVID can be a slow moving, genetic disorder that isn't diagnosed until your 40's.  I'm a little ahead of the game. Maybe his memory is my first version above, a womb that resembles a striped uterus, and he may remember it that way.  Or maybe, my first born is as empathetic and sensitive to the senses and body energy as his mama, and held on to the zebra blanket memory for another reason.